the not so wondrous things I've seen

Seeing as how I haven't been getting any booty lately, B and I decided to head down to Erotica LA, an annual fest for all things smut related. At worst, it would be good to satisfy my curiosity as I've heard about it for a few years now but never ever made it down, and at best, I thought maybe the stink of all that excessive sex would rub off on me and make me a target of some prime lovin'.

From the marketing of the event, it seemed as if they have been trying to present a "couple-friendly" environment, which is highly commendable, but when the majority of the mostly male attendees are only their to see their favorite porn chicks, it does make things difficult. And the porn companies did not fail in providing the chum that stirred up the feeding frenzies.

Now, I can't say I'm a big fan of porn....yeah, I enjoy watching it on occasion and have some familiarity with the industry's reigning stars, but after a while it does seem as if its on one continuous loop..."ooh, baby", lick the tits, lick the pussy, suck the cock, "fuck me hard", "ooh, baby", money shot, repeat.

I've always used porn as a gauge on a country's development status...the appearance of domestic porn productions in any country is a sign of reaching an economic plateau. All the G8 countries have industries, but has anyone seen anything coming out of any African nations? My point is that porn (we're talking video only) being produced domestically is a sign that leisure time and disposable income exists and the only time that happens is when a country has established a sound economy.

There was much to see so I'll try to break this down in list form. Here are some observations:

-Porn girls look like hell in person. I don't know if it was the lighting, the triple layers of bad make up application, or the one too many lines of coke but every single one of them looked thrashed. Bad skin and CELLULITE! If your work requires you to be naked, don't you think you should work out?

-Bad erotic art should be burned immediately. Just because you paint a picture of someone's cooch, it doesn't automatically qualify it as art.

-$6000 will buy you an amazing Real Doll, but its still creepy to have those eyes staring blankly at you.

-Guess it was only a matter of time before the guys making those crazy glass art bongs decided to diversify their business into the sex toy market.

-Home stripper poles are cool

-There are people that spent a fortune to obtain a computer science degree, only to use it to help someone get off online.

-Sex furniture, swings, and contraptions can be awfully big and look like a jungle gym so make sure you take that into consideration when purchasing.

-While I can't blame a girl for trying, using your experience of fucking Alec Baldwin in the ass as your only claim to fame seems cheezy doesn't it?

-Japanese porn is a genre all its own. The girls look like little animals and while I can understand how there might be guys into it, I still don't get it.

-Male "enhancement" products can look like medievel tourture devices and probably do more damage than good so accept what the penis gods have dealt you and just get on with it.